Self Love

“No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.  Once you start living for yourself and making decision and doing things because you want to do them and not because of someone else, I promise life will get so much easier.  And it’s crazy because it took me 23 years to learn that, but better late than never.” – Jasmine Hockaday

 

Growing up in life, I used to be one of those people who relied heavily on what others thought of me.  I always felt that if I didn’t look a certain way, my peers would reject me.  My ideal of beauty was so fucked up.  I wanted long hair, a flat stomach, hips, and a fat ass.  I wanted smaller feet, to be shorter, and have curly hair.  There were so many things about myself that I wanted to change so that I could be that girl that all the niggas want and all the girls either want to be friends with or hate.  Sometimes I sit and think, like why was my mindset that way?

I would often seek validation in the wrong way and from the wrong people.  I thought if I had all the guys chasing after me, I was the shit.  I was looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong way too.  I thought if I put myself out there and had all the guys foundling over me, then that meant I was popping.  Love truly starts wit yourself and if you don’t love yourself, then one one can love you because baby who can love you better than you?

It should be the easiest thing in the world to love ourselves, because love is such a beautiful and important thing – but it is not easy. It is sometimes the hardest part of life.

It wasn’t until the summer before junior year of college where I really felt comfortable in my skin.  I was starting to lose weight, had not men in life to seeking validation from, I had gotten a new job, and my own apartment with my best friends.  Of course the hype from it all started to dwindling down and I was lost all over again with loving myself for me and who I am.

It wasn’t until my second semester of senior year that I truly felt comfortable in my skin and with who I was as a person.  I know longer cared to fit with what my peers thought of me and my decisions.  I was getting ready to graduate from college and none of them where going to land me the next big job that I wanted or get me into graduate school.  I felt like I had focused so much of my attention on what others thought, instead of thinking about what I thought of myself that I missed out a couple of great years I could have had to myself.

So what do you want to be, and what do you want to have in your life? Do you want to be well-dressed, outspoken, brave and spontaneous? […] It’s never to late to start! All you need to do is make a choice, and then start living in that direction! It may take time for all the pieces to fall in place, but even that isn’t necessarily true. You can date anyone, do whatever you want for work, live in any city which takes your fancy, and dress however you like. All it takes is a decision and some conscious action

Do more of what you love and what you want to do as opposed to trying to please or impress everyone around you.  Life will probably be 10xs better once you start doing so.

-xoxo

Jas ❤

Much Needed Weekend

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This past weekend, I went to Bowling Green to visit my people there.  Friday night was the annual Miss Black Western pageant that my sorority host every year.  There were 18 girls in the pageant and nothing short of amazing.  The winner did a great job and during her personal narrative, had the entire audience crying.  We went to a house party afterwards and created a lot of memories with my line sisters.  I met some of the Alpha neos, btw one of them is cute but he is short -_- (if someone who knows me and the Alphas is reading, don’t go running your lip, lol)

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Saturday, I spent the morning with my Ace, deuce, and four at the red and white game, which was lame as hell and we ended up leaving after about 30 minutes.  I met up with my bestfriend since day 1 of college (literally) and we had lunch at O’Charley’s. I truly miss her! 😦

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Afterwards, we began to commence the turn up before the Kappa probate.  The negros were not only 40 minutes behind schedule, but they also took a 20-30 intermission, like what? Lol, but nonetheless my bestfriend came out as a Kappa and I couldn’t have been any more proud of him, because I know how long he has wanted this.

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Saturday night was the Oil Spill.  When I say I had the time of my life, honey child I had the time of my life at that Oil Spill.  It’s always fun to be around my sorors and friends that I have not seen in a long time.  I ended the weekend with my little sister and we had lunch (although the food was nasty as hell), I still enjoyed my little time with her.