I haven’t had sex in eleven months. Eleven months. 11. Once el mes. Onze mois. I’ve gone eleven months before, but this time it’s different. The first time I went eleven months, it wasn’t by choice but by force and I knew the moment I had an opportunity to have sex, I’d go for it. However, this time around it’s different. I will be honest and admit that starting off it wasn’t by choice, but here I am eleven months later and I am by choice choosing this lifestyle of celibacy. I’ve found happiness and peace knowing that I am not giving myself to a fuck boy to only fuck me and fuck me over the moment he gets a chance too.
I’ll be the first to openly admit that in the past sex for me was a way of keeping my man happy and doing it because I felt like that’s was the only way to be liked and be loved, when at the end of the day, niggas will fuck anything with a set of lips and that in order to find love, you must first love and respect yourself.
Being celibate has also improved my relationship with men. When you go in with the mindset of, “Okay, I know for a fact I’m not fucking this guy and I’m letting this be known to him right off the bat.” Then you can weed out the guys who only want you for one thing and the guys who genuinely want a relationship with you. And now I can focus getting to know the guy for him and vice versa. We’re not worried about if and when we’re going to have sex especially if you lay down the law sooner than later.
I do not know how long I am going to do this. I am not necessarily waiting until marriage, but I am waiting until the right guy comes along. I just know that within the past eleven months, I’ve found peace, happiness, and love for myself that I thought I’d never find. I know what I want in a guy, I know what I don’t want in a guy. I know what I will put up with and what I won’t put up with. As I get older, I realize all of the games are old and tired. It’s time to settle down and find someone that I can eventually see myself getting married too in a couple of years.
A lot of my friends have either been with their significant other for quite sometime now or are getting into serious relationships, but me, well urm, I’m just chilling you know until somebody randomly falls into my lap (also known as, being forever alone, lol)
Often times when I start talking to a new guy, they always say, “How can someone so pretty like you not have a boyfriend?” I’ve always replied with, “Because I’m crazy.” HA! A lot of people think that just because a person is attractive it automatically makes them in a relationship or apparently have all the hoes (I have neither, btw). Looks aren’t all the qualities a man and/or woman should look for in a significant other. What can you bring to the table? Can you stimulate my mind? Are you God-Fearing? What you got going for yourself? What you doing to progress to the next level? These are questions we should be asking about ourselves and in our partner.
My love life has been something like an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve had my fair share of unfortunate relationships/situationships and my fair share of good relationships/situationships. For the past 4 years, I’ve been single. I’ve dated plenty of guys within the past 4 years, but I think it was more so of finding my worth and who and what I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes it’s hard because you just want somebody to call your own and have standing in your corner.
Reasons I’m single:
- I’m trying to figure out my life. Everyday I wake up and I put in a new job application to a new job from Memphis to Los Angeles. If I don’t know where I will be working this time next week, I definitely shouldn’t bring anybody into the picture. It would be unfair of me to start talking to a guy in Memphis and I get a call back for a job in Texas and I have to move there. I’m still trying to figure me out and what’s going on in my life and it’s really hard to get yourself together when you have someone in your life who isn’t being of asset to you figuring your life out.
- I’m selfish. When it comes to a lot of things in life, I am incredibly selfish. When it comes to my money, I’m selfish. When it comes to sharing things that should be shared in a relationship, I’m selfish. Everyday I’m working on being more and more selfless, but until then… I will continue being single.
- I’m still thotting and enjoying my freedom. It’s incredibly annoying when I have to answer to a guy everyday. When you’re talking to someone, you have to text and/or talk to them on the phone everyday. Do y’all know that there are days that I just want to be left alone and not have to text you? I was texting this guy on a friendly level, but then it turned into him texting me everyday. For three days straight, he text me “Good morning” and even a second throughout the day when I didn’t reply back to his Good morning text. He later sent me a text message on snap, because I foolishly put up a snap forgetting that he follows me on there. He eventually hit me with the, “I’ve been texting you the past couple of days.” Sir, my phone is in my hand a good chunk of the day, I know that you text me, I just didn’t reply back to you. I am also at the age where I still like having options. I’m not completely ready to give me undivided attention to one and only one guy.
- I don’t think I’ve found my soulmate. I truly don’t feel like I’ve met the guy that I’m supposed to be with for a while or for the rest of my life. Clearly, or else I wouldn’t be single right now. It seems as if everyone around are getting engaged and married and are with the guy that they know that they will someday marry. Me, well, I guess I’m still on the path of finding my soulmate.
- Afraid of the thought of someone loving me. It’s really scary to think of someone loving me more than I love myself. Like how dare you love me in a way that a woman should be loved? It’s scary because they could love me more than I love them and not only that, but just thinking like, someone could love me and I hurt them or they hurt me. I don’t know.. It’s just scary being loved.
- Unhealthy attractions. Most people like to think that I have a certain type in a guy and that I also go for looks in guys. All the guys have all been the same in some kind of way, thus the reason behind me being single forever and ever.
- Fear of competition. When you’re starting off talking to someone, most times, they are probably talking to you, Becky, Barbara, and Shelia. You’re pretty much in competition with three others girls trying to win his heart. I don’t compete for no man, y’all. I don’t give a damn if it’s Chris Brown fine ass, I will not be out here competing with Ketchup and Rihanna. Nah, I just ain’t going to do it.
But don’t get me wrong, I’m a very happy single person and am enjoying the journey of singleness. I know that the man that I’m supposed to be with is out there somewhere, prayerfully working on his future and not on top of some hussy having sex. I also think he’s in Houston, TX somewhere honestly. But who knows.. Because I don’t.
You ever graduated from that talking phase into the situationship phase instead of a relationship simply because you or your significant other wasn’t ready to put a title on it, but then out of nowhere y’all just kind of fall off, you stop talking, and you don’t know why?
If you’re anything like me, you consistently hit the guy because you want answers. I hate being blindsided by things or left in the unknown. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore let me know that, if you have something going on in your life that’s preventing you from talking to me, let me know that, but don’t have me out here looking dumb. But then again, it’s also like, is all of this worth the stress and headache? I mean after all, we’re just in a situationship and not a relationship.
If you’re also anything like me, you spend countless days thinking of that guy and wondering if he’s ever going to call or text you, the what-ifs, and what was it that went wrong in the situatinship. It kind of becomes all you think about when you’re not doing anything to occupy your mind.
Here are a few things you can do to get over that person you were in a situationship with:
- Start dating again. I know this can be hard especially when you’re still stuck on the past guy/girl and you want every new person to be just like them and if they’re not, you’ve already made up in your mind that you’re never going on a date with them again.
- Spend time with your friends. Go out, party, and get drunk. Have a girls night, watch movies, eating pizza, and have girl talk. Be around people who make you smile and happy and will keep your mind off the person you were in that situationship with.
- Stop analyzing what happened. Most times (for women at least), we tend to overthink things. We want to know what happened; was it another girl, is he not attracted to me anymore, did I do something wrong, did I do something right? We have million thoughts running through our mind, but if you don’t analyze the situation, you won’t consistently think of them.
- Cry. I’m not a person who cries so I know how hard this can be. Back in 2012, when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, it took my best friend and cousin forcing to cry before I cried over him. Sometimes you just need to let it all out and crying is the way to do so.
- Cut off contact. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m the type to consistently hit up a guy especially if I genuinely liked the and I have hopes of it actually working out, but it’s probably best to cut off contact to protect your feelings and save yourself the embarrassment. Delete their number or better yet block their number so that you can cut off contact.
I know what it’s like to be in a situationship and for it to end. It honestly sucks. You’re almost at that phase to where you’re in a relationship and then it just all of a sudden ends. It sucks even more, when you don’t get the answers to all of your questions you have for that person. But you have to realize and learn that not all situationships are meant to last. Some are temporary and some progress into a relationship, you just have to keep playing the game until you find the right one (although I know this isn’t a fun game). You also have to accept the things that you cannot change.