I’m Okay with Not Getting Married

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Back in February, I went home for my parents 50th birthday celebration.  While we were at the venue setting up, my father and I were talking about his eating habits and health.  He went on a rant about how he’s trying to overall live a healthier life as he wants to see his grandkids grow up and see me get married. It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of days later that my father is looking forward to seeing me get married, however I have come to the realization that I may not want to get married and I am okay with that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against getting married and if I fall in love with a man who wants to eventually marry me, I’m open to it, but what I am saying is that, if it doesn’t happen, I won’t stress out about it, I won’t complain and be one of those women who’s always nagging about never getting married, but instead I’ll continue to live a long healthy life.  I think too often women get caught up in this life of, I’m supposed to go to college, graduate, get a job, find a man, get married and have kids and I don’t believe that.  I believe that I am supposed to live and to live my best fucking life and whatever I encounter on that journey, whether it’s a bomb ass job, a man or a child then good.

My parents got married at 22.  Can you guys believe it? Twenty-2.  At 22, I had just gotten out of one situationship and was heading into another situationship.  At 22, I was stressing because I had just found out I was graduating an entire semester earlier than planned.  At 22, I was trying what the fuck I was about to do with my life after May 14th at 9:30am and Gary Ransdell, WKU previous President called my name to receive my paper diploma.  At 22, I was trying to figure out what internship was I going to get after I did walk because I had one more class left before I could officially be a college graduate.  At 22, I was not thinking about a fucking marriage.  My parents had me at 25.  I recently turned 25 last month and at 25, I can’t financially support myself, so I definitely couldn’t financially support another life.  At 25, I’m still lost as fuck as to what I want to do in life.  At 25, I’m slightly lost, stressed and depressed.

I haven’t been in a relationship that held a quote, unquote title of boyfriend and girlfriend since 2012.  I haven’t been in a successful yet unnecessarily long situationship since 2014.  It’s 2018.  I haven’t been in love or felt wanted by a man in four years and I’ve learned a lot about myself.  To include the fact that I am okay with not getting married.  I’m also okay with not having kids.  However, if and when I meet a man that I’m in love with and we decide to get married, than baby I’m all for it! And if he wants to have kids, of course I am going to give that man some kids.  But I won’t cry or be hurt if I don’t either or.  When I was younger, I had a plan of what my life was “supposed” to look like.  Married by 23, first kid by 25 and a second by 28.  So much for that plan. I think my focus right now is mainly on getting myself together financially, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually.  Once I get all of that in order, thinking about marriage and kids will come into play.

xoxo

Jas ❤

 

I Broke My Celibacy – Where Do I Go From Here?

About two months ago, I wrote a blog post titled, “Finding Happiness in Celibacy” that you can find here.  At the time, I hadn’t had sex in 11 months.  I happened to make it to month 12, however I let the temptation of the devil get the best of me and I broke my celibacy.  During and afterwards, I was extremely disappointed with myself yet confused at the same time.  I didn’t understand if I were celibate because I didn’t have anyone currently in my life nor did I have any prospects while living in California or if I were celibate because I legitimately wanted to be celibate to strengthen my relationship with myself.

Clutch Magazine reader, Pseudonym, said “everyone is claiming to be celibate until they have sex next time they get a boyfriend.  That is NOT celibacy.  That’s called not having sex with randoms.  There’s a HUGE difference.” And I personally feel like that was sort of my mindset.  I didn’t want to be in California having sex with a bunch of random guys, however if a guy did come into my life, than yes, I probably would have had sex with him.  Looking back on the past year, I realized that I wasn’t celibate, I was just not having sex until like Pseudonym said, I got a boyfriend.

Another Clutch Magazine reader mentioned that she was celibate for almost 2 years, not because of a religious reason, but because she felt like her relationships with men were poor because of it.  There’s no secret that my relationships with men are extremely poor. I thought if I made them wait, they’d be more prone to stick around and have more respect for me, but after doing that with a couple of guys to only be played, I said to hell with it and started having sex with guys whenever I felt I wanted too, whether it’d be a week, a couple of days, or a month after knowing them.  BUT none of those relationships lasted, so I thought, maybe I should be celibate and test a guy out to see if he’s even worth getting my most prized possession than the relationship would work, however I am realizing now that I have to work on my relationship with myself first before I try to work on a relationship with another guy.

Since breaking my celibacy, I haven’t had sex since than and I am constantly thinking about my actions, why I did them, and where do I go from there.  Jessica White, who revealed her celibacy to Page Six Magazine mentioned that, “Celibacy is a choice that every woman has to make for herself.  […] I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, but God led me to such a beautiful place when I turned 27 [in June 2011] – it was a pivotal moment.  I started feeling more beautiful.  I felt like I’d never been so happy.  The light bulb turned on for me.  This is the new journey.  I feel like I’m starting over.”  I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my past and I do believe that God is leading me to a beautiful place. I need to work on me first before I work think about sex and a man.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 says ‘I wish that all men were as I am.  But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.  Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Basically Paul wants all men to be single, like him, but understands that not everyone can control themselves.  But in verse 9, God says, “control yourself sexually or get married.  Sex outside marriage to “let off pressure,” “just for pleasure” or even as a  “trial marriage” is outside the will of God and is therefore a sin.”

The new journey I have decided to take of is going to be difficult, I know, how I am looking forward to striving to become the faithful servant God has intended me to be!

xoxo

Jas ❤