I’m Okay with Not Getting Married

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Back in February, I went home for my parents 50th birthday celebration.  While we were at the venue setting up, my father and I were talking about his eating habits and health.  He went on a rant about how he’s trying to overall live a healthier life as he wants to see his grandkids grow up and see me get married. It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of days later that my father is looking forward to seeing me get married, however I have come to the realization that I may not want to get married and I am okay with that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against getting married and if I fall in love with a man who wants to eventually marry me, I’m open to it, but what I am saying is that, if it doesn’t happen, I won’t stress out about it, I won’t complain and be one of those women who’s always nagging about never getting married, but instead I’ll continue to live a long healthy life.  I think too often women get caught up in this life of, I’m supposed to go to college, graduate, get a job, find a man, get married and have kids and I don’t believe that.  I believe that I am supposed to live and to live my best fucking life and whatever I encounter on that journey, whether it’s a bomb ass job, a man or a child then good.

My parents got married at 22.  Can you guys believe it? Twenty-2.  At 22, I had just gotten out of one situationship and was heading into another situationship.  At 22, I was stressing because I had just found out I was graduating an entire semester earlier than planned.  At 22, I was trying what the fuck I was about to do with my life after May 14th at 9:30am and Gary Ransdell, WKU previous President called my name to receive my paper diploma.  At 22, I was trying to figure out what internship was I going to get after I did walk because I had one more class left before I could officially be a college graduate.  At 22, I was not thinking about a fucking marriage.  My parents had me at 25.  I recently turned 25 last month and at 25, I can’t financially support myself, so I definitely couldn’t financially support another life.  At 25, I’m still lost as fuck as to what I want to do in life.  At 25, I’m slightly lost, stressed and depressed.

I haven’t been in a relationship that held a quote, unquote title of boyfriend and girlfriend since 2012.  I haven’t been in a successful yet unnecessarily long situationship since 2014.  It’s 2018.  I haven’t been in love or felt wanted by a man in four years and I’ve learned a lot about myself.  To include the fact that I am okay with not getting married.  I’m also okay with not having kids.  However, if and when I meet a man that I’m in love with and we decide to get married, than baby I’m all for it! And if he wants to have kids, of course I am going to give that man some kids.  But I won’t cry or be hurt if I don’t either or.  When I was younger, I had a plan of what my life was “supposed” to look like.  Married by 23, first kid by 25 and a second by 28.  So much for that plan. I think my focus right now is mainly on getting myself together financially, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually.  Once I get all of that in order, thinking about marriage and kids will come into play.

xoxo

Jas ❤

 

Lip Color of the Week

This week’s lip color is NYX Liquid Suede Disruptive.  I was SO nervous to try this lip color because it was different and I didn’t think it would look right on me, however once I put it on, I absolutely loved this color on me! It looked amazing and can’t wait to wear it often!

Lip Color of the Week

This week’s lippie of the week is by none other than NYX Wicked Lippie Trickery Supercherie.  I love this color because it’s a metallic greenish color and I honestly felt so fierce using this lip color.

Unpaid Internships

Is having an internship apart of your required courses or do you just want one because you want the experience? I was a fashion merchandising major and an internship was required of my program.  I remember searching high and searching low for an internship.  Nordstrom is a prominent company who has internships for fashion merchandising students year-round.  I have applied to a couple of their internships at different locations and have had multiple interviews and sadly have never gotten one with them.  I took my internship course the my last semester in college (Summer of 2015).  I actually didn’t land an internship until two weeks before the class began and surprise, surprise it was an unpaid internship.  I was on twitter and I saw a tweet:

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Now luckily for me, my internship happened to be virtual, but if it were an in-person internship, I would have had to move to Nashville, however, in reality, it was still unpaid and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to survive in Nashville on an unpaid internship, so I understand the pain.  They want you to work for them full-time and do full-time, paid work for no pay.  But I also think it’s good to work an unpaid internship.  If you prove yourself and work hard, which I was the only intern who worked diligently and hard and I honestly think I was the only intern who stuck it out the entire duration of the internship and eventually she hired me on as a part-time Virtual Assistant/Social Media Coordinator.  So there are definitely pros and cons of an unpaid internship:

Pros:

  • Pursuit of success, not money.  With an unpaid internship, we know that you are there because you want to be, not because of the money.  Let’s face it, once you graduate college, most of us try to get a job in our field, but nine times out of ten, get a job anywhere because we need a job and money to get by and often times find ourselves stuck in a situation because, like I said, we need the money.  However, with an unpaid internship, you’re not getting paid, you’re literally doing the work for free and therefore are there to help you build your skillset and knowledge and to become successful later on in life.
  • Resume builder.  An internship, whether paid or unpaid is definitely a resume builder, especially if it’s at a great company.  My unpaid internship was with a non-profit organization, therefore if I wanted to work for an non-profit organizations in the future, I can slap that on my resume to and be a shoein.  It also just helps you out, especially if you did a lot of things at your internship that has transferable skills.
  • Testing the Waters.  Having an unpaid internship is definitely a way to test the waters.  At the time, I knew I wanted to be in the fashion industry, I just didn’t know in what way.  With a degree in fashion, you can explore careers as a buyer, retail manager, visual merchandising, fashion journalist, fashion coordinator, product development, product design, stylist, brand manager, image consultant, fashion event coordinator, etc.  I always said I wanted to be a stylist than I wanted to be a buyer and then I wanted to be a visual merchandiser.  By the time I graduated, I had no idea what I wanted to do.  But this job opened my eyes to two career routes, a fashion marketer or fashion entrepreneur.
  • Networking. An unpaid internship is definitely a great way to network and build your connections.  When you stick it out at an unpaid internship, especially a virtual unpaid internship, you build that trust and rapport with your supervisor and they write letter of recommendations for you or help you find a job or are just there to be an ear.
  • College credits.  As an alternative of being paid, most unpaid internships with offer college credits, especially for those of us who have a required internship course.

Cons:

  • Financial hurdles.  As mentioned in the tweet, how tf am I supposed to survive? On air and tears? You want students to spend 10 – 12 weeks in a new city, often times it’ll be a big city (New York, D.C., LA, or Miami are top cities for internships that students want), get an apartment and have transportation for NO pay at all? You have lost your mind right? Not everybody has a rich mommy and daddy to support us during this extremely tough time.
  • Missed Experiences.  With an unpaid internship, that’s full-time, of course they expect you to be at work as if you were a full-time employee getting paid.  Most internships occur over the summer and a lot of vacation and fun times happen over the summer, but you’ll have to miss out on those  experiences because of your unpaid internship.
  • Unfair advantage of work.  A lot of times, companies hire unpaid internships to do the work that they would normally pay a regular employee to do because they well, don’t want to pay a regular employee, regular employee wages.  They take advantage of you and have you do a lot of work in benefit of the company.

But by all means, like my friend in the previous mentioned in her follow-up tweet, if you are financially able to do an unpaid internship, by all means boo boo, do the shit.

Find internships at internships.com.  It’s where I found my unfortunate, but fortunate, unpaid internship.

Why Am I Single?

A lot of my friends have either been with their significant other for quite sometime now or are getting into serious relationships, but me, well urm, I’m just chilling you know until somebody randomly falls into my lap (also known as, being forever alone, lol)

Often times when I start talking to a new guy, they always say, “How can someone so pretty like you not have a boyfriend?” I’ve always replied with, “Because I’m crazy.” HA! A lot of people think that just because a person is attractive it automatically makes them in a relationship or apparently have all the hoes (I have neither, btw).  Looks aren’t all the qualities a man and/or woman should look for in a significant other.  What can you bring to the table? Can you stimulate my mind? Are you God-Fearing? What you got going for yourself? What you doing to progress to the next level?  These are questions we should be asking about ourselves and in our partner.

My love life has been something like an emotional rollercoaster.  I’ve had my fair share of unfortunate relationships/situationships and my fair share of good relationships/situationships.  For the past 4 years, I’ve been single.  I’ve dated plenty of guys within the past 4 years, but I think it was more so of finding my worth and who and what I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Sometimes it’s hard because you just want somebody to call your own and have standing in your corner.

Reasons I’m single:

  1. I’m trying to figure out my life.  Everyday I wake up and I put in a new job application to a new job from Memphis to Los Angeles.  If I don’t know where I will be working this time next week, I definitely shouldn’t bring anybody into the picture.  It would be unfair of me to start talking to a guy in Memphis and I get a call back for a job in Texas and I have to move there.  I’m still trying to figure me out and what’s going on in my life and it’s really hard to get yourself together when you have someone in your life who isn’t being of asset to you figuring your life out.
  2. I’m selfish.  When it comes to a lot of things in life, I am incredibly selfish.  When it comes to my money, I’m selfish.  When it comes to sharing things that should be shared in a relationship, I’m selfish.  Everyday I’m working on being more and more selfless, but until then… I will continue being single.
  3. I’m still thotting and enjoying my freedom. It’s incredibly annoying when I have to answer to a guy everyday.  When you’re talking to someone, you have to text and/or talk to them on the phone everyday.  Do y’all know that there are days that I just want to be left alone and not have to text you? I was texting this guy on a friendly level, but then it turned into him texting me everyday.  For three days straight, he text me “Good morning” and even a second throughout the day when I didn’t reply back to his Good morning text.  He later sent me a text message on snap, because I foolishly put up a snap forgetting that he follows me on there.  He eventually hit me with the, “I’ve been texting you the past couple of days.” Sir, my phone is in my hand a good chunk of the day, I know that you text me, I just didn’t reply back to you.  I am also at the age where I still like having options.  I’m not completely ready to give me undivided attention to one and only one guy.
  4. I don’t think I’ve found my soulmate. I truly don’t feel like I’ve met the guy that I’m supposed to be with for a while or for the rest of my life.  Clearly, or else I wouldn’t be single right now.  It seems as if everyone around are getting engaged and married and are with the guy that they know that they will someday marry.  Me, well, I guess I’m still on the path of finding my soulmate.
  5. Afraid of the thought of someone loving me.  It’s really scary to think of someone loving me more than I love myself.  Like how dare you love me in a way that a woman should be loved? It’s scary because they could love me more than I love them and not only that, but just thinking like, someone could love me and I hurt them or they hurt me.  I don’t know.. It’s just scary being loved.
  6. Unhealthy attractions.  Most people like to think that I have a certain type in a guy and that I also go for looks in guys.  All the guys have all been the same in some kind of way, thus the reason behind me being single forever and ever.
  7. Fear of competition.  When you’re starting off talking to someone, most times, they are probably talking to you, Becky, Barbara, and Shelia.  You’re pretty much in competition with three others girls trying to win his heart.  I don’t compete for no man, y’all.  I don’t give a damn if it’s Chris Brown fine ass, I will not be out here competing with Ketchup and Rihanna.  Nah, I just ain’t going to do it.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m a very happy single person and am enjoying the journey of singleness.  I know that the man that I’m supposed to be with is out there somewhere, prayerfully working on his future and not on top of some hussy having sex.  I also think he’s in Houston, TX somewhere honestly.  But who knows.. Because I don’t.

xoxo

-Jas ❤

Long Distance Relationships

Being in a long distance relationship definitely has its cons, but it also has its pros.  When I was nineteen, I engaged in a long distance relationship.  The guy was attending the same undergrad as myself, but after our freshmen year, he decided to move back home and transfer to a school nearby putting us five hours apart.  I made it my mission that we heard each others voice everyday, whether by phone or FaceTime (mainly the latter) and that we would see each other at least once a month.  Needless to say, we only lasted “officially” 3 months.  He claimed that the distance was strenuous on our relationship, but in actuality he was cheating and wanted to end it to be with a girl that was living in his hometown, which is one of those cons of the long distance relationships.  Immediately after, I told myself that I would never get involved in another long distance relationship, but that was then.  Today I would encourage a long distance relationship if the opportunity presented itself.

The only pressing thing about a long distance relationship is starting off in one.  It’s different when you lived in the same city as them and then one or the other gets a job offer in another city and has to move, but you can’t move with them just yet.  But here lately, most guys I have been attracted too and have attracted are hours away from me.  I haven’t been reluctant to doing a long distance relationship because distance doesn’t bother or scare me.  I’m older now and have a job where I make decent amount of money, so flying and/or driving to see them isn’t an issue just as long as it’s reciprocated and I’m not the only one doing all the driving.  The only thing that scares me about doing a long distance relationship is knowing whether or not the person is going to actually remain faithful to me and only me, especially in those relationships that start off long distance.

Pros of Being in a Long Distance Relationship:

  • It’ll actually force you and your significant other to have communication in your relationship
  • That feeling you get when you finally get to see your man/girl after not seeing them for a while
  • Gives you the opportunity to focus on other things other than your significant other being around you 24/7
  • Hold on to your freedom, especially if you don’t like a clingy significant other

Cons of Being in a Long Distance Relationship:

  • What you don’t know can hurt you, oh you know, they could be out here cheating on you while you have no clue
  • Whenever you want someone there just to hold you, they’re a couple of hundreds of miles away
  • You’re tied down by technology because let’s face it, it’s the only way you two can communicate
  • You may grow apart

The fact of the matter is, you’ll never know if a long distance relationship with work unless you try it out.  Just make sure you lay some ground rules, put in effort to visit each other as often as you can, and try not to grow apart from each other

xoxo

-Jas ❤

Self Love

“No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.  Once you start living for yourself and making decision and doing things because you want to do them and not because of someone else, I promise life will get so much easier.  And it’s crazy because it took me 23 years to learn that, but better late than never.” – Jasmine Hockaday

 

Growing up in life, I used to be one of those people who relied heavily on what others thought of me.  I always felt that if I didn’t look a certain way, my peers would reject me.  My ideal of beauty was so fucked up.  I wanted long hair, a flat stomach, hips, and a fat ass.  I wanted smaller feet, to be shorter, and have curly hair.  There were so many things about myself that I wanted to change so that I could be that girl that all the niggas want and all the girls either want to be friends with or hate.  Sometimes I sit and think, like why was my mindset that way?

I would often seek validation in the wrong way and from the wrong people.  I thought if I had all the guys chasing after me, I was the shit.  I was looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong way too.  I thought if I put myself out there and had all the guys foundling over me, then that meant I was popping.  Love truly starts wit yourself and if you don’t love yourself, then one one can love you because baby who can love you better than you?

It should be the easiest thing in the world to love ourselves, because love is such a beautiful and important thing – but it is not easy. It is sometimes the hardest part of life.

It wasn’t until the summer before junior year of college where I really felt comfortable in my skin.  I was starting to lose weight, had not men in life to seeking validation from, I had gotten a new job, and my own apartment with my best friends.  Of course the hype from it all started to dwindling down and I was lost all over again with loving myself for me and who I am.

It wasn’t until my second semester of senior year that I truly felt comfortable in my skin and with who I was as a person.  I know longer cared to fit with what my peers thought of me and my decisions.  I was getting ready to graduate from college and none of them where going to land me the next big job that I wanted or get me into graduate school.  I felt like I had focused so much of my attention on what others thought, instead of thinking about what I thought of myself that I missed out a couple of great years I could have had to myself.

So what do you want to be, and what do you want to have in your life? Do you want to be well-dressed, outspoken, brave and spontaneous? […] It’s never to late to start! All you need to do is make a choice, and then start living in that direction! It may take time for all the pieces to fall in place, but even that isn’t necessarily true. You can date anyone, do whatever you want for work, live in any city which takes your fancy, and dress however you like. All it takes is a decision and some conscious action

Do more of what you love and what you want to do as opposed to trying to please or impress everyone around you.  Life will probably be 10xs better once you start doing so.

-xoxo

Jas ❤