I’m Okay with Not Getting Married

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Back in February, I went home for my parents 50th birthday celebration.  While we were at the venue setting up, my father and I were talking about his eating habits and health.  He went on a rant about how he’s trying to overall live a healthier life as he wants to see his grandkids grow up and see me get married. It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of days later that my father is looking forward to seeing me get married, however I have come to the realization that I may not want to get married and I am okay with that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against getting married and if I fall in love with a man who wants to eventually marry me, I’m open to it, but what I am saying is that, if it doesn’t happen, I won’t stress out about it, I won’t complain and be one of those women who’s always nagging about never getting married, but instead I’ll continue to live a long healthy life.  I think too often women get caught up in this life of, I’m supposed to go to college, graduate, get a job, find a man, get married and have kids and I don’t believe that.  I believe that I am supposed to live and to live my best fucking life and whatever I encounter on that journey, whether it’s a bomb ass job, a man or a child then good.

My parents got married at 22.  Can you guys believe it? Twenty-2.  At 22, I had just gotten out of one situationship and was heading into another situationship.  At 22, I was stressing because I had just found out I was graduating an entire semester earlier than planned.  At 22, I was trying what the fuck I was about to do with my life after May 14th at 9:30am and Gary Ransdell, WKU previous President called my name to receive my paper diploma.  At 22, I was trying to figure out what internship was I going to get after I did walk because I had one more class left before I could officially be a college graduate.  At 22, I was not thinking about a fucking marriage.  My parents had me at 25.  I recently turned 25 last month and at 25, I can’t financially support myself, so I definitely couldn’t financially support another life.  At 25, I’m still lost as fuck as to what I want to do in life.  At 25, I’m slightly lost, stressed and depressed.

I haven’t been in a relationship that held a quote, unquote title of boyfriend and girlfriend since 2012.  I haven’t been in a successful yet unnecessarily long situationship since 2014.  It’s 2018.  I haven’t been in love or felt wanted by a man in four years and I’ve learned a lot about myself.  To include the fact that I am okay with not getting married.  I’m also okay with not having kids.  However, if and when I meet a man that I’m in love with and we decide to get married, than baby I’m all for it! And if he wants to have kids, of course I am going to give that man some kids.  But I won’t cry or be hurt if I don’t either or.  When I was younger, I had a plan of what my life was “supposed” to look like.  Married by 23, first kid by 25 and a second by 28.  So much for that plan. I think my focus right now is mainly on getting myself together financially, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually.  Once I get all of that in order, thinking about marriage and kids will come into play.

xoxo

Jas ❤

 

Self Love

“No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.  Once you start living for yourself and making decision and doing things because you want to do them and not because of someone else, I promise life will get so much easier.  And it’s crazy because it took me 23 years to learn that, but better late than never.” – Jasmine Hockaday

 

Growing up in life, I used to be one of those people who relied heavily on what others thought of me.  I always felt that if I didn’t look a certain way, my peers would reject me.  My ideal of beauty was so fucked up.  I wanted long hair, a flat stomach, hips, and a fat ass.  I wanted smaller feet, to be shorter, and have curly hair.  There were so many things about myself that I wanted to change so that I could be that girl that all the niggas want and all the girls either want to be friends with or hate.  Sometimes I sit and think, like why was my mindset that way?

I would often seek validation in the wrong way and from the wrong people.  I thought if I had all the guys chasing after me, I was the shit.  I was looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong way too.  I thought if I put myself out there and had all the guys foundling over me, then that meant I was popping.  Love truly starts wit yourself and if you don’t love yourself, then one one can love you because baby who can love you better than you?

It should be the easiest thing in the world to love ourselves, because love is such a beautiful and important thing – but it is not easy. It is sometimes the hardest part of life.

It wasn’t until the summer before junior year of college where I really felt comfortable in my skin.  I was starting to lose weight, had not men in life to seeking validation from, I had gotten a new job, and my own apartment with my best friends.  Of course the hype from it all started to dwindling down and I was lost all over again with loving myself for me and who I am.

It wasn’t until my second semester of senior year that I truly felt comfortable in my skin and with who I was as a person.  I know longer cared to fit with what my peers thought of me and my decisions.  I was getting ready to graduate from college and none of them where going to land me the next big job that I wanted or get me into graduate school.  I felt like I had focused so much of my attention on what others thought, instead of thinking about what I thought of myself that I missed out a couple of great years I could have had to myself.

So what do you want to be, and what do you want to have in your life? Do you want to be well-dressed, outspoken, brave and spontaneous? […] It’s never to late to start! All you need to do is make a choice, and then start living in that direction! It may take time for all the pieces to fall in place, but even that isn’t necessarily true. You can date anyone, do whatever you want for work, live in any city which takes your fancy, and dress however you like. All it takes is a decision and some conscious action

Do more of what you love and what you want to do as opposed to trying to please or impress everyone around you.  Life will probably be 10xs better once you start doing so.

-xoxo

Jas ❤

Much Needed Weekend

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This past weekend, I went to Bowling Green to visit my people there.  Friday night was the annual Miss Black Western pageant that my sorority host every year.  There were 18 girls in the pageant and nothing short of amazing.  The winner did a great job and during her personal narrative, had the entire audience crying.  We went to a house party afterwards and created a lot of memories with my line sisters.  I met some of the Alpha neos, btw one of them is cute but he is short -_- (if someone who knows me and the Alphas is reading, don’t go running your lip, lol)

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Saturday, I spent the morning with my Ace, deuce, and four at the red and white game, which was lame as hell and we ended up leaving after about 30 minutes.  I met up with my bestfriend since day 1 of college (literally) and we had lunch at O’Charley’s. I truly miss her! 😦

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Afterwards, we began to commence the turn up before the Kappa probate.  The negros were not only 40 minutes behind schedule, but they also took a 20-30 intermission, like what? Lol, but nonetheless my bestfriend came out as a Kappa and I couldn’t have been any more proud of him, because I know how long he has wanted this.

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Saturday night was the Oil Spill.  When I say I had the time of my life, honey child I had the time of my life at that Oil Spill.  It’s always fun to be around my sorors and friends that I have not seen in a long time.  I ended the weekend with my little sister and we had lunch (although the food was nasty as hell), I still enjoyed my little time with her.