Category Archives: discussion monday

I’m Okay with Not Getting Married

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Back in February, I went home for my parents 50th birthday celebration.  While we were at the venue setting up, my father and I were talking about his eating habits and health.  He went on a rant about how he’s trying to overall live a healthier life as he wants to see his grandkids grow up and see me get married. It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of days later that my father is looking forward to seeing me get married, however I have come to the realization that I may not want to get married and I am okay with that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against getting married and if I fall in love with a man who wants to eventually marry me, I’m open to it, but what I am saying is that, if it doesn’t happen, I won’t stress out about it, I won’t complain and be one of those women who’s always nagging about never getting married, but instead I’ll continue to live a long healthy life.  I think too often women get caught up in this life of, I’m supposed to go to college, graduate, get a job, find a man, get married and have kids and I don’t believe that.  I believe that I am supposed to live and to live my best fucking life and whatever I encounter on that journey, whether it’s a bomb ass job, a man or a child then good.

My parents got married at 22.  Can you guys believe it? Twenty-2.  At 22, I had just gotten out of one situationship and was heading into another situationship.  At 22, I was stressing because I had just found out I was graduating an entire semester earlier than planned.  At 22, I was trying what the fuck I was about to do with my life after May 14th at 9:30am and Gary Ransdell, WKU previous President called my name to receive my paper diploma.  At 22, I was trying to figure out what internship was I going to get after I did walk because I had one more class left before I could officially be a college graduate.  At 22, I was not thinking about a fucking marriage.  My parents had me at 25.  I recently turned 25 last month and at 25, I can’t financially support myself, so I definitely couldn’t financially support another life.  At 25, I’m still lost as fuck as to what I want to do in life.  At 25, I’m slightly lost, stressed and depressed.

I haven’t been in a relationship that held a quote, unquote title of boyfriend and girlfriend since 2012.  I haven’t been in a successful yet unnecessarily long situationship since 2014.  It’s 2018.  I haven’t been in love or felt wanted by a man in four years and I’ve learned a lot about myself.  To include the fact that I am okay with not getting married.  I’m also okay with not having kids.  However, if and when I meet a man that I’m in love with and we decide to get married, than baby I’m all for it! And if he wants to have kids, of course I am going to give that man some kids.  But I won’t cry or be hurt if I don’t either or.  When I was younger, I had a plan of what my life was “supposed” to look like.  Married by 23, first kid by 25 and a second by 28.  So much for that plan. I think my focus right now is mainly on getting myself together financially, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually.  Once I get all of that in order, thinking about marriage and kids will come into play.

xoxo

Jas ❤

 

When I was 22 I dated a man 15 years older than me

Yes, you read the title of this article correctly.  When I was 22, I dated a man that was 37.  Here’s how we met.  After graduating college, I move back home to Memphis.  I had two part-time jobs at the time, one at the University of Memphis Bookstore and the other at JCPenney’s.  He too, had two jobs.  A full-time job and a part-time job at JCPenney’s.  I worked in the shoe department and he worked in the children’s department which was right by each other.  Now when I first saw this man, I thought he was a cool 27 (that’s that black don’t crack, baby).  But to try to make a long story short, we started “talking” two months after I had started.  One night after work, it was raining and I let him walk with me under my umbrella to our cars and as a thank you, he bought me a $25 (yes, my guy spent a cool $25 on me without even knowing me) Starbucks gift card.  Maybe a week later, we went on a lunch date.  After our date and as we were on our way back to work, I asked him how old he was and he told me to guess.  I guessed, “Late 20’s or early 30’s.” and that’s when he hit with the, “No, I’m 37.” As you can imagine, I was shooketh, but I was interested.

There’s nothing I regret about dating him and I actually learned a couple of things from dating him.

It’s better to start off as friends. One thing he kept saying to me was, “We’re friends right.” I remember being so offended by the fact that he called us friends and not, I’m not sure what the proper term would have been because we weren’t official.  But by him calling me his “friend,” I realized in order to be successful in a relationship, you must first start off as friends.  You get to know each other better

I liked going on dates. Before him, I don’t think I’d really been out on a date.  Most of the guys I entertained, we’d only see the four walls of my bedroom or theirs or each other’s living room.  Rarely did we do something fun like dinner, movies, or something in the local area.  However with this guy, we went on multiple dates.  The first two dates were a little awk (he would sit next to me as opposed to on the opposite side of me in which I later realized I liked) but after that I started to open up to him a lot and I enjoyed sitting down, talking to him and getting to know and vice versa.

Communication is Key.  I definitely learned how to communicate and to communicate effectively. I was never and still am not a big phone talker, however he would call me EVERY night to talk on the phone.  Along with communication, I learned how to reach out to him via phone first.  Granted I didn’t do it a lot, I had definitely stepped out my comfort zone and did.  Whenever we had a problem or issue, he would want to talk about it to resolve.  We had a couple yelling matches and a couple of sit downs in the car on different issues we had.

Ask questions.  One of our date nights, that went so well, ended badly.  We were at a Mexican restaurant and I shit y’all not, his ex-wife just so happened to be at the same restaurant at the same time on the same night.  WILD right? Come to find out, he had an ex-wife who he’d been with for a long time and married to for a long time.  He had two kids, one with the ex-wife and well, one not with the ex-wife, hence the divorce.  Now, I knew beforehand that he had one son and that was only because I had heard him talking to a customer before we even started talking about his son.  He basically told me, that he never told me he had kids because I never asked…

It was difficult dating an older man while living with my parents. Pretty much sums this up.  There would be time where he’d want me to stay the night with him, but I was about 99.9% positive that wouldn’t have be cool with my father.  I remember, I had to tell my parents I was doing one thing when I was really hanging out with him at 1 in the morning (sorry Dad/Mom if you’re reading this).  But it was very frustrating for him, because that night he actually wanted me to stay with him, especially since it was his birthday and he felt like I was too grown to be lying to my parents.

He was very confident in himself.  It wasn’t the arrogant, cocky type of confident, but the I’ve been here, done that and I know what I’m doing, sexy type of confident.  He knew I was attracted to him and he knew what to do to make me want him more than what I already did so effortless.

Jealousy didn’t exist.  When I tell y’all this man never got jealous, he never got jealous.  It was like he knew I was his (even though not officially) and that he was not worried about any other man.  I remember we were out eating and another guy kept staring at me, but he didn’t make a big deal about it.  Not an insecure bone in his body.

Obviously, he and I did not last, which ultimately brings me to my last point.  Ghosting exist no matter what age you are.  He basically ghosted me for about a month before calling me and trying to have a “conversation” about where our relationship was going.  We talked for about 10 minutes and he hung up on me.  Called me back about 30 minutes, I missed it and when I called back he didn’t answer.  I hadn’t heard from him again until 4 months later.  Typical fuck guy shit.  I don’t regret talking and pursuing him.  I learned a lot about older men.  Would I ever date someone that much older than me again? Possibly, I mean if Chadwick Boseman ever gave me a chance…you better your ass I would, but for now I think I’ll stick to someone who is 10 years or less older than myself.

Job Hopping

Indeed, LinkedIn and Glassdoor are probably the top three sites I stroll through the most.  More than Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  I wake up and religiously look at any new jobs that are currently available in the Greater Nashville Area.  I have no idea why I do this but I do.  Even when I’ve only been at a job for a week.  While in LA, I probably applied to over 100 or so jobs.  I liked both of my jobs, but I think I kept searching and searching because I was in contract roles and I wanted a full-time job with benefits.  In my current role, I also stroll through jobs like crazy.  But now it’s different, I’ve been strolling through jobs because I am ready for the next step in my career.  Currently I am a Talent Acquisition Coordinator and the next step is a Talent Acquisition Specialist, also known as a Recruiter.  I also consistently stroll through these job sites because I want a job that pays more than what I’m getting paid now.

However, doing this looks extremely bad, especially when I haven’t been at said companies for a long time.  I’ve been in my current position now for about 6 months, but a couple of months when I started applying to other jobs, I’d only been in the role for 2-4 months.  A question that often comes up is, “Why are you looking for a new role?” or my application would get rejected before a recruiter would call me because I’ve only been in my current role for a short period of time, obvisouly they’re thinking, well if she’s only been in that role for 2 months and is looking for something new, she’s going to do the same thing once she starts working here.

Right after I accepted my position with my current company, a recruiter had reached out to me on LinkedIn about how there’s an opportunity that she’d like to talk to me about in my area, etc., etc., etc., but I told her that I had just accepted a new position.  Well fast forward to four months later and I’d reached back out to her on LinkedIn and asked her if we could just have a phone conversation about my my career aspirations, necessary steps I needed to take to get there and just overall advice.  We scheduled a phone conversation and she basically told me to stick it out with my company for at least a year.  Don’t put in job applications in other place and to only consider leaving my current company if an other company reached out to me for a full-time role in exactly what I want to do in life.  In a year, hopefully a role in what I want to do in my career field will open at my current company and if not, at least I have that longevity on my resume for my current company.  She told me keywords to look for when that time does come around to search.  It was a really good conversation.  I told her my issues and she just really had good advice overall.

So below, I have listed a couple of cons to think about if you’re a job hopper:

Think about what it’ll look to recruiters/hiring manager.  If you are at companies for a short period of time and are at your current company for a short period of time and are looking for a new job, it raises a flag to those people.  I remember I applied for a job once and the recruiter reached out to me with an e-mail asking, why I had been in my roles for only a short period of time.  I thought I had good answers for each, but obviously they weren’t good enough because she never reached back out to me.  The recruiter I reached out to on LinkedIn also made a valid point.  Two of my jobs were contract roles and although I have that stated on my resume and that would be an obvious reason as to why I stayed at my jobs for a short period of time, to a recruiter or hiring manager, it would then raise the question, “Well why do you keep only applying to contract positions?”

Seeking opportunities/advancement within your company.  Sometimes it’s not about the company, but rather your job title and duties that you have an issue with.  For me, I am bored of being in the Coordinator role.  I’ve done this for the last year and I think it’s time for me to move up.  However, as opposed to looking outside my company, I should be looking for opportunities within the company when that time comes.  It’ll look better and the chances are higher for you getting the job when you’re an internal candidate.  A lot of companies also welcome getting experience in different departments if that’s something that you desire.

It can hurt you financially.  A lot of times, hopping from job to job can hurt you financially.  You get your last paycheck from your most recent job, but than you may end up waiting up to three weeks before you can see a paycheck because of when you came in and started your first day.  If you don’t already have money saved up, you can be put into a financial burden.

Basically, I said all of this to say, if you’re in a position and you don’t like, try to stick it out for at least 6 months or if your resume is choppy, for a year.

Emotional Contagion

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to the Friend Zone podcast on Emotional Contagion.  In the episode, Fran was talking about Facebook’s Secret Mood Manipulation Experiment.  Basically, Facebook skewed about 700,000 what users saw when they logged in.  Some people saw happy post and positive words, while others saw sadder than average content.  Based off of what the Facebook users saw, they either posted happy or sad words themselves.  From this experiment, they found that by manipulating the News Feed displayed to 689,003 Facebook users, it could affect the content which those users posted to Facebook.

To me, this just goes to show how much time we are spending on social media and the types of effects it has on us.  And to think, this experiment happened in 2012 and a lot of people, to include those who were manipulated don’t know anything about this experiment.  We also don’t know if any other social media sites have done experiments such as this.

In the episode, they went on to discuss how a lot of social media sites, track the sites that you’ve visited or even listen to your conversations and that’s how and why ads start to pop up on the social media sites after you’ve exited those websites or finished those conversations.  I first started noticing it a while back about different social media platforms showing ads of things that I’ve recently been talking about, but it literally happened that night after I listened to the podcast.  I’ve been needed some new pre-workout and I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone and about how I need some and that I wanted to try some new flavors and later on that night, I logged onto Facebook and I started seeing all types of ads for C4 Pre-workout.  It can be creepy sometimes because technology has so much power that we don’t even know or pay attention to sometimes.

After listening to this episode, I started to think about all the negative effects that I feel like social media has had on me personally and than I looked up the different types of effects that some studies have shown social media has on our mental health. For me, the effects that social media has on my mental is that it’s addictive, I compare my live to others, it doesn’t make me more social, and I use it as a way to escape.

Addictive.  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I usually do is open all of my social media apps to see what I’ve missed since I’ve been asleep.  When I’m bored at work or in a social setting, I scroll through my social media apps.  It’s almost as if, I can’t live without them and I need to be in them at all times when possible.  In the episode of the podcast, Fran mentioned if you can’t necessarily stop being on social media than to limit your time on the app.  Maybe go brush your teeth and wash your face and take a shower and eat breakfast before you open your apps.  Read a book for 30 minutes before you go to bed as opposed to looking at your apps before you go to bed.  Just do something other than immediately hopping on to your social apps when you first wake up.

Comparing My Life to Others. I do this a lot.  I see those who are living their dreams and their best life and I immediately get jealous and envious of those who are doing the things I want to be doing.  I will sometimes this could be a good thing, because you’ll see someone making moves and you realize you need to step it up and get on it with starting and doing whatever it is that you want to do in life.  Sometimes, I’ll see couples on Instagram and would wish that I could be in a relationship or I’ll see someone who is physically fit and compare myself to them.  Overall, I compare a lot of things I see on social media and wish that it was happening to my life.  As much time that I spend wishing, I could be out here doing.

It doesn’t make me any more social.  Whenever I’m out in a social setting and I begin to feel awkward or I don’t have anything to say, I immediately open my phone and begin scrolling down my timelines.  I was out eating with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend and I was on Instagram and my mom mentioned how I was always on my phone and on Instagram and it really made it think, like damn, am I really on my phone that much?

Escapism.  I did a post a while back about escapism vs. self care.  A lot of times, if I am stressed or if I don’t feel like doing work, whether it’s school or work, I tend to open my social media apps and can sometimes get lost for hours upon hours and feel like I’ve escaped the real world and my responsibilities for the time being.

In conclusion, I feel like social media is determential to our mental health and well-being and I want to encourage everyone to take break from social media and do other things.  I know it can be hard and it’s almost kind of like, well what would I do if I’m not on social media, so I came up with a list of things you could do:

write, blog, workout, call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, learn something new, listen to music and clean your house, paint, start a new project, read a book, pay a bill, prep your next meal, get to know yourself, spend time with God, etc.  There are a ton of things you could do besides get on social media.  I’m winging myself off social media one social media app at a time.  I’ve deactivated my Snapchat and after 30 days it’ll completely deletes and I let mine get completely deleted.  I’m not saying you guys have to deactivate your apps (you can simply just delete the apps off your phone).  I started with Snapchat because it was the app I used the least.  After I let Snapchat delete completely, I decided to deactivate my IG, however after a week(which was usually the time frame I could last without it), I reactived, however after my birthday, I deleted my IG and it’s been about a month now and I have no urge whatsoever to reactivate it.  Maybe later this year or sometime next year, but right now, I’m fine without it.  The only social media I am struggling with is Twitter.  Twitter is just so damn funny and my source of entertainment and I’m not really sure what I’d do without it.   Please feel free to let me know in the comment section, what effects social media has had on you, things you’ve done in the past to spend less time on your social media apps, and what you think on the overall topic.

xoxo

Jas ❤

10 Ways to Stay Inspired

The other night, I was working on a project.  Around 9 or so, I got tired and decided to shut my computer down and go to bed for the night.  At night time, I put my phone loud just in case an emergency was happening and I need to be able to hear my phone.  Well ding my phone went as soon as I cut the light off and laid my head on the pillow.  It was my brother and I knew it was him because he has a distinctive text tone. I thought what is he doing up this late at night, he’s usually asleep by now, so of course it triggers me to get up and go check out the text.  He’d sent me a link to an article, “Ellen Pompeo, TV’s $20 Million Woman, Reveals Her Behind-the-Scenes Fight for “What I Deserve” | Hollywood Reporter

I read the article in its entirety, however the only thing that stood out to me was this paragraph, “The result: Pompeo’s new pact will have her earning more than $20 million a year – $575,000 per episode, along with a seven-figure signing bonus and two full backend equity points on the series, estimated to bring in another $6 million to $7 million.  She also will get a producing fee plus backend on this spring’s Grey’s spin-off as well as put pilot commitments and office space for her Calamity Jane production company on Disney’s Burbank lot.”

I texted my brother and asked, “Where do I go wrong in life?” I’m literally living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes have to choose between getting gas or groceries.  And he replies, “You’re still young with no kids.  ITS NOT TOO LATE! 30 year old Jasmines struggles and/or successes will be determined by what 24 year old Jasmine does.” It immediately triggered me to get up out the bed and begin working on my project that I was just working on.  Can I pause and tell you guys a story? So, every since November, I’ve been working on a Stationery Line, coming up with designs, brand logo, etc.  I had everything saved on a flash drive.  The night before my brother sends me this text message, I went in to go upload all my files onto a website so that I can get a prototype of what I am currently working on priced and made, but OF COURSE, my flash drive would could not be recognized.  I hooked up it up to my personal laptop and to my work laptop and NOTHING.  I honestly had a nervous breakdown and COULD NOT STOP CRYING.  I started thinking all of my struggles and how I was upset that this happened because I see myself as being the next Lily Pulitzer, Wink Wink Co., Rifle Paper Co., mintgreen or just one of those stationery companies that’s sold inside of TJ Maxx/Marshall’s or Walmart/Target.  However, after a hour or so of crying, talking to God and listening to some Gospel music, I got myself together and I started everything over from scratch and even came up with a different idea for what I had been working on.

Anyone, my brother saying that it’s not too late for me and that what I do now will take care of me once I am 30, made me motivated and determined.  My brother also told me that he’s enrolled back into, although this is his 5th or so enrolling ‘back’ into school.  But his plans are to eventually go and get into Nursing School and be done by 2020, take a couple of years off and go back to become a doctor.  And although he has gone back to school and not finished SO many times, I have complete faith in him.  This is our year to get started on the things that we want in life and that’s what this blog post is about.  How to stay inspired when you’re feeling uninspired to accomplish your goals.

Write down your ideas. Yes, write them down. Every single one.  It’ll help you, keep on track with your thoughts and ideas so that you don’t forget them and two, it’s a way of holding yourself accountable of the ideas you have written down and getting them implemented.  Write now, I currently have a lot of my ideas that I have planned for my stationery business written down and pinned to my bulletin board.

Change your routine. Maybe you’re not feeling inspired to change or grow because you’re doing the same routine over and over again and you’ve become complacent with your life.  I know I’ve gotten to that point, I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, come home eat, take a shower, and watch a show or two before bed and repeat.  On the weekends, I’d wake up, go to the gym, eat, go to a store or two, eat, watch TV and repeat.  However, I’m realizing that maybe I should go to the library or to Starbucks instead of going to the gym so that I can feel inspired to get things going as far as my goals.  Go to an art museum, symposium or join a group to switch things up a little.  When you have a change of scenery, you become more inspired.

Declutter your space. This is also very important.  Sometimes, my apartment can be a complete mess.  When my apartment is a mess, I feel a mess and don’t feel like doing anything.  However, once I clean my spot up, I feel more refreshed and like I can conquer the world.

Pin Up Motivational Prints. The article that I mentioned and linked above, has definitely been printed out.  Articles on stationery companies and how they got started are pinned on my bulletin board.  I’ve also found advice and steps on how to get the ball going on my business as well, pinned up.  Motivational quotes are all around my house, you guys know how in Being Mary Jane, Mary Jane had sticky notes all around her house with affirmations? Me. Guilty AF.

Read a book or magazine. Just like a lot of people can get invested in a TV Show and want to become an actress, producer, or director (or am I the only one who gets inspired to do one of the three while watching TV?), you can become inspired by the books or magazines you read.  If you’re reading a book about happiness, you may get inspired to take some tips from the book and become happy or if you’re reading a magazine, you may become inspired to be a journalist or blogger.

Discover new music. Discovering new music is honestly one of the best feelings in the world.  Spotify, which I definitely recommend and prefer over any other music streaming app, to include iTUNES, is a great music source for playlist.  As I’ve mentioned before HeyFranHey has a couple of playlist on Spotify and each of them have introduced me into new music, new artists, new talent, new creatives who have all inspired me to get some get up and go about myself.

Collaborate with others. This one is extremely important.  I will admit, that I lack in this area of collaborating with others, but I think it’s extremely important because if you’re not feeling inspired, but whoever you’re collaborating with is, they can have a positive affect on you causing you to become inspired.  Also, they may have some ideas that can help you out or some connections that you may need in order to do whatever it is that you’re looking to do.

Go Somewhere New. A new and unseen scene can definitely inspire you.  Something in that new scene that you’ve never seen before can spark you to do something new or trigger something in you to become motivated.

Don’t Give Up. This is also extremely important.  When I had my nervous breakdown, I definitely felt like giving up on my stationery dreams.  I felt like, maybe my flash drive stopped working for a reason and that this isn’t the route for me to go.  However, I didn’t give up and I actually came up with different and possibly better ideas for what I want to do.

Have fun.  No matter what you do in life, don’t give up on your goals and dreams!! You never know what may turn out from them.

What are things you do to keep inspired?

xoxo

Jas

Welcome to Atlanta Where the Playas Play

For my 25th birthday, I headed to Atlanta with my lil sis, Cadeja.  I hadn’t been to Atlanta in about 3 years and it was so refreshing to go there.  It’s crazy because everytime I go, I always say, “I could never live here,” yet, I would live in LA.  The same reason I don’t want to live in Atlanta (traffic and that it’s too spread out) are all the same things wrong with LA. However, after this recent visit, I’m kind of torn between moving back to LA or moving to Atlanta.  Corporate America in Atlanta is massive! And if I wanted to go back down the route of fashion, that’s major in Atlanta as well.  Atlanta is like an LA Jr.

IMG_5836The first night in town we took a 30 minute nap and got up to begin getting ready for the night.  Our first stop was at this place called Ace Fridays.  We thought we were stepping into a club and come to find out it was a WHOLE ASS hookah lounge, lmao.  It was funny because as we were pulling up, the parking lot was skimp, luckily it was free to get in.  We bought a round of hookah and left probably after 45 minutes of being there.  We ordered a Lyft and this is were things got interested and I did some shit I hadn’t done since undergrad.  We were talking to our Lyft driver and he asked us what we were about to get into, where we were staying, blah, blah, blah.  Basically he ended the Lyft driver and clocked out.  We thought he was going to show us a spot real quick that we could end up going to after we got back to our hotel to grab the car.  No.  My mans went to his spot, changed clothes, brought us some alcohol out and took us to this area known as Edgewood, which was extremly popping.  A lot of bars nearby and a lot of melanin for me to lust after.  I was enjoying myself that is until, this man who was probably a good 5’7 and while I am actually 5’7, with heels on I was 6’0 came behind me and was trying to get me to dance.  Y’all, I am not a dancer especially when I’m sober or just have a buzz.  The DJ then began playing slow music and I immediately found a chair and sat in it.  I just knew this man who was already trying to get me to dance about to grab me for a slow dance.  Anywho, he eventually started to grind up on me and when I say I was embarrassed, I was embarassed, DO YOU HEAR ME? Embarassed.  My friend had a walked away to talk to the guy that brought us there, so I looked this chick who was standing close by me in the eyes and grabbed her to tell her to save me.  Someone word flew that it was my birthday and sis gone say, “Happy Birthday! Have fun girl.” Ma’am, like if you don’t save my ass.  Finally Cadeja saw me and came to the rescue.  But that’s how night one ended.

IMG_5774On Saturday, we got up went to go eat at cookout, in which I was hoping to run into Woody McClain. 😦 LMAO, I was actually hoping to run into him anywhere in Atlanta. After we ate at cookout, we went to a bar and I had a beer, don’t remember what it was called, but I didn’t like it at all and you heathens who drink beer are absolutely disgusting.  After attempting to drink the beer, we headed to dance studio, Dance 411 for an Intro to Pole Dancing class! It was SO much fun and was a great workout.  We learned a couple movements and a routine.  After we left the pole dancing class and because it was St. Patty’s Day, we went Day Drinking at the annual Luckyfest at Park Tavern!! We had a lot of fun, met a lot of drunkards and even got drunk ourselves.  Leprechuan Piss will definitely get you to your level.  IMG_5783

After we went Day Drinking, we left to go to Lenox Mall.  It was crowded as usual, but we ended up leaving around 9:00pm, got back to our hotel around 9:30pm.  We were supposed to wake up at 10:30pm, but ended up sleeping until 11:30pm.  And when I tell y’all I would have been so content with staying sleep for the rest of the night, I would have been content going to sleep for the rest of the night.  However we got up and got dressed to go out.  We went back to the same spot we had went to the night before.  It was okay, I wasn’t drunk although I felt like I had a lot.  I guess I couldn’t get drunk anymore after had drinking earlier in the day.  Anywho, at some point, this guy comes up to me while we were sitting and having fun.  And LET ME TELL Y’ALL.  I could have SWORN, still believe that the man who came up to me was gay af.  He literally would not leave me alone and stop talking to me, but I was like fuck it whatever I’ll sit here and listen.  He asked me if I were single and I said yes.  He was like you’re fine and started going on a tangent.  My guy was telling me his whole life story and how he works 5 jobs (and he added that the women(???) in his past didn’t like the fact that he was always busy – and I was like well my nigga, why would I date someone that I never get to see?).  He started talking about how if we vibe then I could move to GA or he could move to TN.  He played football in college, blah blah blah.  I was really over especially after he started spitting when he talked.  Another thing that made me feel like he was gay is that he was like, “OMG, we can be Instagram besties.” He eventually gave me his number, but it most definitely will never get used.  I don’t have anything against gays by no means, it’s just very frustrating when someone doesn’t own their sexuality.  If you’re gay, embr

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ace it.  Love who you are and love who you truly want to be with. Don’t conflict a situation by involving someone who may actually like you but at the end of the day, it’s not the sex you want to be with.  Anyway, we eventually got up and left because he was getting on my damn nerves and we met a group of Nigerians.  I ended up giving one my number, but my responses were pretty limited with him.  We were literally five feet away from the car before we got stopped by another heathen, LOL.  It was 3 in the morning and all I wanted to do was get in the bed.  All in all, the night was fun.

IMG_5811Sunday morning, we got up, by the Grace of God, and went to Sunday service at Ebenzer Baptist Church and went to the musuem that’s located directly across the street.  Now service was amazing.  The pastor that preacher was from a church in Philadelphia.  However, I was a little turned off from the church, when after service the Sr. Pastor at Ebenezer was literally begging for money.  He played a cute little video to show the reasoning behind the choosing of the aesthetics of the church.  Afterwards, he said, “This church was built 19 years ago and you know after you’ve been somewhere for 19 years, things need to be fixed up.” After that, it was like a bidding auction.  “Who can offer $5,000?” “Who can offer $3,000?” “Who can offer $1,000?” About 5 people got up and walked towards the front.  “Who can offer $500?” I don’t know it just rubbed me the wrong way.  Let people give what they can give and let them give it in private.  Don’t be a begger.  I eventually got up and walked out because I couldn’t take it anymore.  After church, we headed to World of Coca-Cola.

This was a really fun experience, except for that damn 4D shit.  I may just be dramatic and extra, in which, yes I will admit I am, but that shit was whipping me the hell back and forth.  I also did not know I would get splashed with some water and I be damned.  It wasn’t a lot, just very unexpectant.  It also made me want to work in Coca-Cola’s Corporate Offices and I began to look up jobs, lol.  They didn’t have any openings of my interest in HR, but I wouldn’t mind working for them.  We were in the downtown area, so a lot of businesses were around and the atmosphere was dope.  Which is why it made me be like, hmm… if I had a good paying job that allowed me to afford an apartment downtown, I would work and live in downtown ATL. But this is how I spent my birthday weekend! ❤

25 Things I Learned in 25 Years

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  1. Self-love is the best love.  Living for yourself and not worrying about what others think is such a healthy way of life.  When you worry too much about what others think, you begin to believe the things that those people say and try to change who you are as a person.  You also can’t begin to love someone else if you don’t love yourself.
  2. Listen to your intuition.  When you get that feeling that something is wrong or right, GO WITH IT.  I’ve had so many moments, where I did not go with my gut feeling and ended up getting my feelings hurt and other times where I’ve gone with my gut feelings and have been right and avoided a lot of drama.
  3. Take risks.  This is one thing I am a big firm believer in is taking risk.  I mean, a plan was presented to me to move to LA and I moved in less than a month.  I feel like sometimes taking risks are important because you never want to have that regret later on in life.  I never want to get older and say, “Man, I regret not moving to LA when I had the chance.” You know?
  4. TRAVEL.  And travel as often as you can.  I’ve taking so many trips during college that I probably shouldn’t have taken because my funds were low, but I did anyway because well, you only get to college once and two you’re only young once, so why not be irresponsible.  Now, I just want to travel the world, even if it is by myself.  I’ve only traveled once so far this year, but have two trips planned for the summer, a possible trip in May, I’m looking into planning another trip for September and hopefully one for October or November, maybe both.
  5. Embrace your weirdness.  A quote I recently saw that spoke to me, “It’s better to appear strange to others than as a stranger to yourself.” If you’re weird, so fucking what? I’m weird. I’m awkward. I like different things than other people and that’s truly ofuckingkay.
  6. Some people will bring out the worst in you.  Some the best. And others, the most. When you figure this out, you have to eliminate those people who do bring out the worst in you and you have to cherish those who bring out the best.  I am an introvert at heart and I always choose to hang around people who are extroverted because I know they’ll bring out my deep inner extrovertness.
  7. Live a little.  If you’re trying to lose that weight, EAT THAT MOTHERFUCKING HAMBURGER when you get a chance.  If a guy asks you out on a date, GO ON THAT DATE SIS.  If a friend ask you to go skydiving, GO SK..well sis, maybe you should just live life on edge by doing inside skydiving.  If you want to move to another city, GO TO THAT CITY.
  8. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.  This took me a minute to learn, but nonetheless I learned it.  If I don’t want to go somewhere or do something, a simple no is all that person needs.  I don’t have to explain why I don’t want too. Take this no and be grateful I even gave you that because I could’ve just ignored your request.
  9. Spend time with your parents. I don’t get to see my parents often and I really haven’t in the past 6 years, being 4 hours way during college and living in Los Angeles and now Nashville, I don’t see them often, but I love my parents so much and spending time with them is very important to me.  I guess that’s why I stay up under them whenever I go home. LMAO, WHERE WE GOING MOM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAD?
  10. Don’t settle. This is also an important thing I learned.  If you don’t like something, please don’t settle for it.  Know your worth, Queen and go after what you deserve, especially in a significant other.
  11. Don’t plan your life out according to a time table.  This was a big mistake a made.  I always had a timeline.  Graduate college at 22 (Only thing I’ve done according to my timeline, LOL), get myself together financially and build with my current boyfriend (LOL!), get engaged and married by 25, first kid by 28 and no kids no later than 30.  Look at me? 25 with not a significant other in sight or close to being in sight. LMAO, live life and don’t go out looking for something.  If it finds you, it’ll find you.
  12. Don’t stress over what can’t be controlled.  Will it matter in 5 minutes? Will it matter in 5 years? No, move on boo.  When I lived in LA, I stressed my entire time and didn’t get to fully enjoy the city.  Everything eventually worked out, especially with a good pay job, which was my main stress factor, and it was all in God’s timing.
  13. Don’t compare your life to the lives of others.  I had to learn this the hard way.  Always on Instagram, strolling and seeing friends getting those jobs right after college or on facebook seeing people happily in love, getting married and with kids.  It’s just not healthy and in a way it stumps your growth.  You’re too worried about how others are living and how they did it as opposed to focusing on yourself and seeing how and what you can do to get to where they are.
  14. BE GRATEFUL. Always.  There are people out who haven’t made it to see 25.  There are people out there who haven’t accomplished as much as I have at 25.  There are a lot of people who can’t do half the things I can do at 25.  I’m not where I want to be, but I am forever grateful for where I am.
  15. Think for myself. WOW, this was definitely a big one.  I think growing up, my mom would always do the talking for me.  I remember we lived in WV and we were in the car with a neighbor and she asked me a question, however my mom immediately answered the question before I could even process the question and formulate an answer and I remember the neighbor saying, “I asked Jasmine the question.” But I’ve been on my own for a while now, so thinking for myself has been something I’ve had to do, although I do still call me mom for advice, I still have to formulate my own thoughts and opinions on things to make the best decision for myself.IMG_5814
  16. Who I was at 20, 22 and even at 24 doesn’t define who I will be at 25.  Man, I’ve done some crazy shit that I KNEW for a fact was wrong, but I still did them because I was being petty or because I just felt like, however those things do NOT and will NOT define the person I’ve become.
  17. Love what you do for a living.  Okay, so I’ve learned while being in Corporate America that you might hate your job, but I’ve also learned that, that job could be setting you up with the experience for your next job.  My first job in Corporate was an Admissions Representative (code for Sales) at a technical school.  However, that job title and some of my responsibilities opened doors for me in HR.
  18. SAVE MONEY.  OMG, y’all please, PLEASE save money.  That money you have in your savings can help you out in times of emergencies, like for instance when your checking account goes into the negatives or gets as low as .47, but at least you’ll have that money in your savings to help you out a little until that next paycheck comes in.  Or having a savings period is very helpful for later on in life when you want to do something major like buy a house.
  19. Make connections.  This is very important, regardless of what industry you’re in.  You never know whose watching you or who can help you get to the next step that yo’re trying to get too.
  20. Follow your dreams.  One of my biggest fears is that I’m not living the life God has planned for me to live.  I currently work in Corporate America, but I’m not sure if that’s the route I’m supposed to be going.  I went to school for fashion and the longer I’m in Corporate America, the more I think if I should go with my first career choice
  21. It’s not always about look. When it comes to a significant other or hell if yourself, it’s not about looks.  Looks won’t get you that job, that boyfriend, that healthy life, that.. whatever you’re looking for it’s more than looks.  Do you have a personality? Do you have the skill set? What can you offer and put on the table?
  22. Learn something new everyday.  When you’re not learning, I feel like you’re being complacent with your current knowledge.  There’s nothing wrong with being a continuous learner and picking up a new skill or learning about something new everyday.
  23. Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself girl or no one else will, but no seriously if you’re constantly doubting yourself, there’s only so much that people around you can try to believe in you before they start doubting you too.
  24. BE KIND.  No matter what, be kind.  Be kind to that stranger, be kind to that CEO and that janitor, be kind to your mom, be kind to your dad, be kind to your siblings, your friends, your family, everyone! It’s better to be kind than to be the Grinch.
  25. The best is yet to come.  If you don’t feel like you’re where you are or need to be, remember the best is yet to come.  Keep working and striving, it’ll come soon darling.

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