I Broke My Celibacy – Where Do I Go From Here?

About two months ago, I wrote a blog post titled, “Finding Happiness in Celibacy” that you can find here.  At the time, I hadn’t had sex in 11 months.  I happened to make it to month 12, however I let the temptation of the devil get the best of me and I broke my celibacy.  During and afterwards, I was extremely disappointed with myself yet confused at the same time.  I didn’t understand if I were celibate because I didn’t have anyone currently in my life nor did I have any prospects while living in California or if I were celibate because I legitimately wanted to be celibate to strengthen my relationship with myself.

Clutch Magazine reader, Pseudonym, said “everyone is claiming to be celibate until they have sex next time they get a boyfriend.  That is NOT celibacy.  That’s called not having sex with randoms.  There’s a HUGE difference.” And I personally feel like that was sort of my mindset.  I didn’t want to be in California having sex with a bunch of random guys, however if a guy did come into my life, than yes, I probably would have had sex with him.  Looking back on the past year, I realized that I wasn’t celibate, I was just not having sex until like Pseudonym said, I got a boyfriend.

Another Clutch Magazine reader mentioned that she was celibate for almost 2 years, not because of a religious reason, but because she felt like her relationships with men were poor because of it.  There’s no secret that my relationships with men are extremely poor. I thought if I made them wait, they’d be more prone to stick around and have more respect for me, but after doing that with a couple of guys to only be played, I said to hell with it and started having sex with guys whenever I felt I wanted too, whether it’d be a week, a couple of days, or a month after knowing them.  BUT none of those relationships lasted, so I thought, maybe I should be celibate and test a guy out to see if he’s even worth getting my most prized possession than the relationship would work, however I am realizing now that I have to work on my relationship with myself first before I try to work on a relationship with another guy.

Since breaking my celibacy, I haven’t had sex since than and I am constantly thinking about my actions, why I did them, and where do I go from there.  Jessica White, who revealed her celibacy to Page Six Magazine mentioned that, “Celibacy is a choice that every woman has to make for herself.  […] I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, but God led me to such a beautiful place when I turned 27 [in June 2011] – it was a pivotal moment.  I started feeling more beautiful.  I felt like I’d never been so happy.  The light bulb turned on for me.  This is the new journey.  I feel like I’m starting over.”  I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my past and I do believe that God is leading me to a beautiful place. I need to work on me first before I work think about sex and a man.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 says ‘I wish that all men were as I am.  But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.  Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Basically Paul wants all men to be single, like him, but understands that not everyone can control themselves.  But in verse 9, God says, “control yourself sexually or get married.  Sex outside marriage to “let off pressure,” “just for pleasure” or even as a  “trial marriage” is outside the will of God and is therefore a sin.”

The new journey I have decided to take of is going to be difficult, I know, how I am looking forward to striving to become the faithful servant God has intended me to be!


Jas ❤




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