You ever been afraid to do something or try something new because your fear of failure, judgment or because in the back of your mind you have this self-doubt?
Recently, I’ve made the decision to go back to my alma mater to get my Masters in Student Affairs/Higher Education. I felt confident about my decision back in February when I first decided to move back, but as it’s getting closer and closer to the time for me to move, I’m start to fear that my decision is a mistake. Think about it, I currently have a good job working in Human Resources, I got accepted into an online MSHR program, and could live comfortably in Los Angeles. Now, I am literally pick everything up and going back to Kentucky, a city where I got into a lot of unnecessary trouble in undergrad in for the next two years to go a completely different route than what I was originally going in. I mean what if the path that God chose for me was HR? I mean after all, the main reason I moved to LA was to figure out what I wanted to do in life and God planted these jobs in HR (in which I had no experience in) in my lap. But then again, it’s also kind of like, I applied to this graduate program in May (deadline to apply is in March), got accepted into the program, and have been offered a position as a Resident Director (free housing, food, parking space, free laundry, etc.) and a Graduate Research Assistant that’s offering me a stipend and money off of tuition. Wouldn’t you think that, that is a blessing too?
However, I am just fearful that all of this is for nothing. What if I get back into the program, do my assistantship and job and end up not even wanting to be in Student Affairs anymore? What if I really want to stay in HR? What if God’s plan is for me to stay in Los Angeles? My plan is get my Masters and dip the fuck out of KY and head back to LA, what if something happens in the next two years and I can’t get back out here like I desperately want too?
I’ve been focusing on not getting discourage by it. At the end of the day, I can come and go however I please. If I decide that Student Affairs/Higher Education isn’t the route for me, I can always switch it up and get an MBA. I’ve also been looking at the situations I’ve been placed in since living in LA and thinking maybe it’s a good thing that I am moving back to KY. I am moving across the country and will not have to pay rent like I would if I stayed in LA, which will allow me the opportunity to get my credit together as well as save money to get back out to LA as planned. God is proving that He’s taking care of me by having all of this set up so that I don’t have to worry about anything financially.
I have to eliminate that fear I have of stepping backwards to get my Master’s degree so that I can move forward and have that job that I really want and have that salary that I really want when I come back to LA.
Remember, My God doesn’t make mistakes. If he didn’t want this for me, I wouldn’t be here in this position right now and I would have chosen to stay back in LA.