I haven’t had sex in eleven months. Eleven months. 11. Once el mes. Onze mois. I’ve gone eleven months before, but this time it’s different. The first time I went eleven months, it wasn’t by choice but by force and I knew the moment I had an opportunity to have sex, I’d go for it. However, this time around it’s different. I will be honest and admit that starting off it wasn’t by choice, but here I am eleven months later and I am by choice choosing this lifestyle of celibacy. I’ve found happiness and peace knowing that I am not giving myself to a fuck boy to only fuck me and fuck me over the moment he gets a chance too.
I’ll be the first to openly admit that in the past sex for me was a way of keeping my man happy and doing it because I felt like that’s was the only way to be liked and be loved, when at the end of the day, niggas will fuck anything with a set of lips and that in order to find love, you must first love and respect yourself.
Being celibate has also improved my relationship with men. When you go in with the mindset of, “Okay, I know for a fact I’m not fucking this guy and I’m letting this be known to him right off the bat.” Then you can weed out the guys who only want you for one thing and the guys who genuinely want a relationship with you. And now I can focus getting to know the guy for him and vice versa. We’re not worried about if and when we’re going to have sex especially if you lay down the law sooner than later.
I do not know how long I am going to do this. I am not necessarily waiting until marriage, but I am waiting until the right guy comes along. I just know that within the past eleven months, I’ve found peace, happiness, and love for myself that I thought I’d never find. I know what I want in a guy, I know what I don’t want in a guy. I know what I will put up with and what I won’t put up with. As I get older, I realize all of the games are old and tired. It’s time to settle down and find someone that I can eventually see myself getting married too in a couple of years.